Yoga Part 1, worst game of Twister ever.

My first yoga session, or as I like to call it , the worst game of Twister ever.

Twister the GameTwister the Game

I was invited by Cha-Cha and Heidi to join them for a yoga session.

After the session, my first words were, “I am completely humbled by the experience. It has opened up doors of potential for improving my physical performance. You are no longer my friends.”  And then I got a juice.

But here is the rest of the story.

The truth is the friends were two women who go to yoga daily and have for many years. The invite was really a thinly disguised challenge knowing my interests in fitness and lack of flexibility. It’s a bit like the SWAT team asking if you’d want to go on a raid because you own a black t-shirt.

Turns out, SWAT members also trained at Orlando Power Yoga and I was shown pictures to prove it.

yogis order lululemon

Men and women have different approaches when trying to convince someone to try a new challenge.

The method men use to bait a buddy into doing something dumb and painful is well understood by all men. It goes something like this…
“Come on you big fat momma’s boy, show you have a pair, put on your big boy pants and bring a crying towel caused you are going to need it. We’ll get some beers later.”
There are 3 components to making a manly challenge.
1. Insult
2. Challenge
3. Reward

The method used by women takes different approach.

“You have try Yoga. I’m telling you, there’s nothing like it and once you’ve tried it you will LOVE IT!!!. You’re in such great shape, you will rock it. Here’s a little secret, there are some very fit women who do yoga and you’ll see some amazing things.”

The components of the feminine approach.
1. Lies
2. False Praise
3. Exaggerated Reward

Of course men are equally susceptible to both methods so Sunday morning I showed up at Orlando Power Yoga for what was to be a 1 hour and 45 minute class.

“Oh, I love this class” a women chirped,  “it has an extra 10 minutes more than a regular class!”

Yoga Pose
The concept of practicing yoga, from what I was told, is that you want to exercise at a temperature close to your body temperature. People who practice yoga love sweat. They love the feel of it, the smell of it and would water their lawns with it , if they could.  There are miraculous (although somewhat disputed) health benefits of a good sweat. You might remember the story of people dying in a sweat lodge. It can be overdone.

From the Web:
Sweat also may play a role in fending off foreign substances. Some recent studies — including one conducted at Eberhard-Karls-University at Tubingen in Germany — suggest that perspiration contains a natural antibiotic known as Dermcidin. Dermcidin can help kill bacteria, including E. coli and Staphylococcus aureus, on the skin’s surface.

But here’s the catch: Leaving sweat untended to for too long can end up doing more harm than good because it can lead to conditions like miliaria. More commonly known as prickly rash or heat rash, miliaria occurs when the eccrine glands become blocked, which results in a series of red bumps. Your best bet for keeping your pores clean and unclogged is to always wash your face and body as soon as possible after sweating. If your skin is easily irritated, you should probably change sweaty clothes and sheets right away, too.


Advanced Yoga Poses

The Business of Yoga,

I have been a member of over 10 different gyms. I have seen the monthly fees and amenities grow over the years.

For around $100 a month you can have a family membership to the YMCA.
The YMCAs in the Orlando area are  like spas. They feature basketball courts, racquetball courts, day care, the latest cardio machines with individual video screens, classes of all kinds, swimming pool, hot tub, towel service, beautiful locker rooms. The air conditioning is refreshingly cool!

LA Fitness has much the same with a price point a bit less.

Planet Fitness, costs much less, around $15 a month and still offers a full selection of weight and cardio machines, massage chairs, tanning booth, clean facilities, an annoying siren and light combination, horrible color scheme but has FREE tootsie rolls which I love!.

Orlando Power Yoga on the other hand, offers yoga by the class for around $15 or you can have a $95 a month individual membership, a regular smorgasbord of unlimited classes.
With the membership you get…
no machines,
no pool
and no air conditioning.
Mat rental is $1.

I was one of those who viewed yoga studio owners as people running a business for the purpose of doing good in the world, bringing health and wellness to a community.  I did not think of them as business tycoons..

HA! Jokes on me, this is a pretty enviable business model. Namaste, corporate fitness giants.

Here is what is required to open your own Yoga Fitness center and charge more than the big boys.

  1. Rubber mat floor that can be mopped.
  2. A music system the equivalent of a 1980’s boombox. Stock up on Dave Matthews and whale songs.
  3. A mirrored wall.
  4. Poor lighting
  5. Broken Air Conditioner
  6. A couple posters showing contortionists.
  7. A yoga instructor, find one who lists her favorite movie as “Silence of the Lambs”.

You’re set, you can now open a yoga studio.

Oops, almost forgot, you will need a bucket and a mop to move the sweat from one side to the floor to the other, in between classes.


End of Part I.

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